Vicki...The only Queen at CanJam?

[deepak]

Condolences Ken, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.

[Tyll Hertsens]

God speed, Gary.

Luv ya, Ken.

Damn if I'm sure what those two statements really mean ... But I really mean them.

Bless us, each and every one.

[Dreadhead]

God speed Gary.

[Aura]

Sorry to hear that Ken, best wishes to you and Stacy.

[agile_one]

Condolences to you & Stacy, Ken. RIP, Gary.

[spritzer]

RIP Gary

[GPH]

Very sad to hear that, my condolences Ken.

[mrarroyo]

Ken I hope you, your wife, and Gary's friends/family find solace during this hard time.

[postjack]

sorry to hear about your loss Ken! positive vibes your way.

[Aimless1]

I'm sorry for your loss Ken. RIP Gary. May you, his friends and family find peace.

[philodox]

My condolences.

[n_maher]

Sorry to hear about your friend passing, Ken. I didn't get to raise a glass last night, I'll make up for that tonight.

[grawk]

I didn't drink last night, but I'm raising one tonight as well.

[Happy Camper]

Hope he liked wings and Mojitos. Warm up the tubes Gary.

[Wmcmanus]

Wayne it's been my experience that puberty aged boys are not at all repulsed by the thought of intimate contact with another male. Many tend to be scared shitless of the consequinces of their peers finding out about any said intimacy, but I can speak first hand to the willingness of almost all of my friends and acquaintances back then, as far as anonymous sex is concerned. And though most of those encounters started out with myself as the "gay" party that provided said stimulation to the "straight" party, that was a passive recipient, many of the boys I fooled around with began to join in as an active participant, without prompting. Part of that may have been the fact that they had come to realize that I did not kiss and tell, and some of that may also have been curiousity at what was almost a freakish looking endowment on a then 100 lb. kid. Either way repulsion was not something I encountered often at all, and I was quite active at that time.

Hell, if would have known you were hung like a horse, I probably would have given a hummer in Mayberry.

Now please don't in any way think that I'm suggesting any kind of latent homosexuality in yourself or anyone else that feels a sense of repulsion at the thought of gay sex. I truley believe that you're probably as straight as they come. I just think that many men don't have the same uneasiness that you feel, even though I don't think that they're anymore 'gay' than you. I'm just opening up the idea that you may have been conditioned to feel more uneasy about it at some point in your life.

First of all, perhaps "repulsed" was the wrong word to use. Maybe "spooked" or "freaked out" would be a more apt description. Not at gayness in general, undefined terms, but at the thought of being personally involved in gay sex in any way, shape or form. For most straight men (my guess would be 75%), it's just not something they would ever seriously consider. Their minds just don't work that way, not any more than they would be interested in having sex with a 90 year old woman, an 8 year old girl or a goat. That doesn't necessarily mean they would be repulsed by an invitation from a gay man. Most straight men would just say 'no thanks' and laugh it off. Of course, some would grab the nearest 2"x4" and start bashing the gay guy's head in for even hinting at it, but they obviously have their own issues.

[jvlgato]

When I was living in Chicago's boy's town, I was once actually approached by a man who said, 'I'll give you 50 bucks to let me suck your dick.' I was so stunned, that all I could think to say was, ' uh, no thank you!'

Not a bad deal, really. Just didn't seem so appealing to me. Kinda wish it was, I was very single at the time. Never got hit on so much as when I lived in boys town! Never repulsed by it, it was kinda flattering, really. Just not interested.

Why doesn't the world work in such a way that women walk up to me with such offers?

[swt61]

I understand what your saying Wayne, and for the most part agree with you. It's really fairly similar to some of my gay friends that tell me they'd probably puke if they had to have sex with a woman. I'm way too far toward the middle of the scale to find sex with either sex vomit enducing.

gato, in general women are just not as carefree about sex as men. Hmmm, maybe the pregnancy thing has something to do with that? Maybe being thought of as loose? Gay guys can pretty much just say to each other "Hey wanna hit it", and if they're both mutually attracted to each other exchanging names isn't even that important. At least that's how it was in my day, but I'm old. Believe it or not, even easy, carefree sex can get old after some time.

[jvlgato]

So blow jobs CAN get a girl pregnant!? Oh no!

Just kiddin' . I get what you're saying, and would agree.

[swt61]

I hope not, or I'd put Octomom to shame!

[Tyll Hertsens]

. Their minds just don't work that way, not any more than they would be interested in having sex with a 90 year old woman, an 8 year old girl or a goat. That doesn't necessarily mean they would be repulsed by an invitation from a gay man. .

I might do the goat in a pinch.

Used to be my gag reflex would go off if I though about giving someone a blow job. Then I found a woman who knew what she was doing. It became easier for me to visualize how she was loving me well while doing it well. I began to understand the act better, I guess. Somehow that made the thought of doing it to another man more palatable. Still have the zero desire part, but the revulsion seems to have been tamped down.

I find it an interesting internal observation. Talk like this here makes thinking about yourself and your feelings a little safer. Thanks HC gays!

Edited March 19, 2011 by Tyll Hertsens

[mypasswordis]

[swt61]

shouldn't you be swapping a knife handle instead of talking about blowjobs?

Knife handles remind me of penises, and penises remind me of blowjobs.

[shellylh]

As for the number of men willing to cross the same sex borders, you'd never believe the number of married "straight" men that make their way into gay sex clubs. And many of them act quite miffed if you show no desire in 'servicing' them. I imagine even Shelly knows exactly what I'm talking about. It just seems to be much more about availability of someone that can satisfy one's sexual desires/needs, than it is about prefernce IME. Many straight guys are more willing to cross lines to get what they want than I think you've been privvy to. IMO that doesn't necessarily make them gay, or bi for that matter, it just makes them needier than others perhaps. I have no doubt that if they could find women that would attend to their needs in a casual and secretive manner, that's where they'd be going instead.

It really is amazing the number of "straight" married men that hang out at gay bars looking for some action.

Women are pretty much the opposite. There are quite a few women in lesbian relationships who are, in general, more attracted to men than women but have been hurt by men and who feel safe and comfortable with another women. So they turn to the same sex not for sexual gratification buy emotional gratification. I have also known women who say that they aren't gay but just X-sexual (where X is the name of their partner).

On another note, I have had a few straight women who have been interested in fooling around with me (because I wasn't really butch they basically said). One woman was really attractive and I even had a little crush on her (not my first straight woman crush unfortunately). I never did anything because I didn't feel comfortable messing around with someone that I didn't know well and I had a fear of getting too emotionally attached (which women tend to do when there is kissing and stuff involved).

Ken, I am really sorry to hear about Gary. I watched my uncle die of AIDS when I was in high school and it was a terrible thing. RIP Gary.

Edited March 19, 2011 by shellylh

[Voltron]

The front page of the SF Chronicle has an article today about the closing of A Different Light Bookstore in the Castro. Amazingly, they believe that this is the last gay-themed bookstore left in California, so next month there will be none. That is a sad thing for gay culture and literature, but I also think it is consistent with the general trend of bookstores disappearing and reflective of the fact that mainstream bookstores carry more gay literature. Steve and i went to A Different Light post-MOA, so now I am extra glad we did.

[swt61]

I'm glad we did too, as this is a sad occasion. I remember spending many an afternoon there. I agree that it's probably more related to the disappearance of local shops in general.