What did you do today?

[Augsburger]

Sorry Brent, all I can say is just try to keep your focus on you and your kids. Your new "family", which is you and your kids is all that matters now. Good luck to you.

[manaox2]

Best of luck Brent with your current low point. Remember that its for the best, I'm sure you know. Hope you manage to accomplish all that you can take care of yourself and the kids.

Had a bad weekend after the Charlotte head-fi meet that made me lose a lot of faith in my own generation that I won't recap. In sharp contrast to the end of the school year, I always get excited about teaching at the beginning of a new school year when I see the students again. It helps take my mind off of how much I've been screwed over by the present vs the teachers who started before me. And it feels really good to feel productive again.

[The Monkey]

Just made some simple syrup

[Salt Peanuts]

Sorry Brent and best of luck to you.

Just finished reading a bedtime story to my daughter and putting her to sleep.

My work has been kind of bleh for me of late and, like Dinny, been pondering a career change. It sucks that economy is in a toilet and that I've limited skills outside of my profession.

[boomana]

Just caught your post, Brent. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other for now, and get yourself to a doc. Puking up blood isn't good.

[mypasswordis]

Hell, I'm pondering a career change, and I don't even have one yet. I've given it some thought and I think I'm going to spread out my courseload to 3 semesters instead of trying to cram everything in 2 semesters + the summer, and that will leave me with one free semester and the summer to really hunker down and bitch-pwn people at violin. True story.

Hope the transition goes as smooth as it can and you feel better soon, Brent.

[MexicanDragon]

Doctors are silly. Pretty sure it's all stress, which is starting to subside. Nothing a bottle of good bourbon can't handle. (That's a hint for you, Colin).

So... went and picked up the kids and had the talk. It was emotional, mostly for Zoe and Kristen, followed by myself with Xavier *starting* to understand about 35-40 minutes in.

I think it was good for the wife to go through this (we were separated for 5 months last year, but I was the one who handled the talk with the kids, and dealt, alone, with the fallout).

It's over. I didn't want it to be. I was miserable much of the time with her, and even the great times were probably only "good" at best. I was dreading this day, for a long time. I found, though, that like most of the people close to me have told me, I am feeling better without her. Even though it's only been a few hours, I'm feeling better.

Goals for tomorrow: Don't puke up blood / go a day @ work without crying over this / care that my back is hurting (I didn't today - care, that is - just too much other shit).

I'm going to make it, things will be better. Even though I've always known this... I think after the past few hours.... I "KNOW" it. It feels good.

**BRENT**

[Beefy]

I'm going to make it, things will be better. Even though I've always known this... I think after the past few hours.... I "KNOW" it. It feels good.

That is a great outlook to have. Best of luck!

[Sherwood]

now you can move up to complex syrup.

I developed a mixed drink based around mayonnaise once. It was called the "tuna sandwich".

[mypasswordis]

I developed a mixed drink based around mayonnaise once. It was called the "tuna sandwich".

very kinky

[The Monkey]

Hang in there, Brent.

[Torpedo]

Best wishes Brent, knowing you're doing the right thing helps a lot. Kind of peace of mind.

[laxx]

Came into work nice and early because I'm on call this week. Damn responsibilities!

[mrarroyo]

Brent although it is not easy you can make through. I went through a divorce many years ago and although painful it is very survivable, good luck.

[aardvark baguette]

I had to install some software over GoToMeeting at work while I was trying to surf the internet. It was inconvenient and inconsiderate.

[aardvark baguette]

(raises glass)

[MexicanDragon]

Yesterday: Rough. Typical crappy work things + dealing with feelings @ work. Bah.

Then I go to pick up Zoe from afterschool care. The director comes out to meet me on the sidewalk and lets me know that Zoe never made it there, and that she had gotten on the regular bus... something she has never done before to come home. She is the only person on this stop, and the driver doesn't normally stop in the afternoons, and she didn't get off. Only when the rounds ended and Zoe was still there did the bus driver notice a problem. She knew where Zoe lived (since the wife is no longer here, I go out with Zoe to the road and see her off daily), she brought her all the way back home. This was still an hour or so before I made it home from work, and no one was home. Zoe doesn't have a key, as she shouldn't, for any reason, need to be home without me here.

I freaked out.

I sped home to try to see if she was on the grounds at all. After checking a few places I took a moment to gather myself and she wound up being at a neighbor's place. It scared me to no end. I shook for two hours. I had talks with her. I had called the wife to see if she knew where Zoe was, and she wound up leaving work for an hour to check on us/talk to Zoe as well. I seriously doubt Zoe will ever do something like this again... but just thinking about it, I'm still a little shaken.

I had a buddy come watch the kids an I went to an Al-Anon meeting.

I got up today and have kinda had another rough day, though as I'm about to go pick up Zoe now, it shouldn't be QUITE as rough this evening as long as she's where she's supposed to be.

Jesus... I've made myself physically ill over this...

**BRENT**

[Craig Sawyers]

Then I go to pick up Zoe from afterschool care. The director comes out to meet me on the sidewalk and lets me know that Zoe never made it there

Holy shit Brent. I'm shaking just from reading your mail. Shit.

[shellylh]

Jesus Brent, that is scary. It made me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Hope today is better.

[Aimless1]

You just lived through a parent's worse nightmare, Brent. Scary.

Just returned from the hospital. 85 yr old mother-in-law had surgery today ... double by pass and valve replacement. Good news! Heart is in good shape with no signs of either heart attack nor stroke. But her clogged artery was worse than they thought ... hard as a rock where it was mostly blocked. She's in post op now and we'll head back up later.

[Dusty Chalk]

Yeezh us.

Just keep telling yourself, it could have been worse, nothing happened, it's all better now.

And maybe consider wearing diapers full time.

[morphsci]

Glad everything worked out OK Brent. I can only imagine how you felt.

[swt61]

I burried Fred today.

Last night at about 3:15 am I heard him make a strange weezing noise. I reached over and put my hand on him and could feel him convulsing some. I sat up and put him in my lap and stroked his head and within about 10 minutes he was gone. It was pretty peaceful after I gathered him into my lap, and I could tell that put him at ease a bit, so I'm very glad that I awoke to be there for him when he passed.

24 days ago Fred weighed 22 lbs. This morning when I weighed him he weighed 12 lbs. I don't think I've ever had a more loyal friend, or have ever been as loved by an animal as with he. It's going to be very different around the house now, and I'm admittedly not doing as well with it as I had hoped.

He's burried under a nice shade tree, with his bed and his favorite toy (a stuffed flamingo). Here he is over two years ago in much better health...

[Torpedo]

Scary story Brent. Glad it all ended up well. She probably just wanted to make herself noticeable, all you're passing through is harder -if possible- for the kids.

[cetoole]

Damn Steve, that really sucks. I still miss my dogs, and it has been 4 and 5 years now. He looks like a great lad, I am sure he will be missed, but that you have some great memories of your time together.