Jokes

[Dusty Chalk]

 

[Knuckledragger]

One of my favorite jokes:

🦆➡️🍋
🦆: 🍇?
😑: 👎
🦆➡️🍋
🦆: 🍇?
😠: 👎, 🔨🦆
🦆➡️🍋
🦆: 🔨?
🤨: 👎
🦆: 🍇?

[swt61]

When I was younger I had a job in a juice factory. But I got fired, because I couldn't concentrate. 

[Craig Sawyers]

I somehow thought the punch line was going to be different 

[swt61]

I see what you did there!😉

[wink]

It was the festive season and three people showed up at the pearly gates to seek admission.

One was a Englishman, One was a Scotsman, and the last was an Irishman.

St. Peter said that in light of the season the seekers needed to provide an appropriate  token to gain admission.

When asked what the Englishman had as a token, he produced a sprig of mistletoe. When asked what the connection was, he explained that it was his version of a portable Christmas tree. St. Peter recognized the connection and granted the Englishman entrance.

When the Scotsman was asked for his token he provided a key chain with a six keys attached. When asked what the connection was, the Scotsman vigorously shook the key chain and explained that they were yuletide bells. He also was granted admission.

Lastly, the Irishman was asked for his token. He furiously searched through his pockets and found nothing even remotely appropriate. In desperation dug deep down into his left pant pocket and produced a pair of panties. St Peter sternly examined the item and asked for the connection. The Irishman promptly replied They were Carol's.

[Knuckledragger]

When Pope Francis was visiting America, he told the limo driver that he had the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man and would never dream of questioning the Pope’s authority. So the Pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.

The Pope pulled out safely onto the road, but quickly revealed himself to be quite the adrenaline junkie when it came to driving. He was soon whipping in and out of traffic and speeding down roadways, easily doubling the speed limit. He was a wild man behind the wheel.

Eventually, a policeman spotted this limo flying down the road, flipped his lights on, and pulled the limo over. Before approaching, he called his chief to warn him about a limo he'd just pulled over with a VIP inside it.

Chief: Who is it, the mayor? Cop: Nope, bigger. Chief: What, the governor? Cop: Even bigger. Chief: Wait, did you pull over the President??? Cop: Nope. Bigger than that.

At this, the chief ran out of patience. "Okay, I give up. Who is it?"

And the cop answered, "I think it's God."

"What in the world makes you think that God is riding around in a limo?" the chief exploded.

To which the cop lowered his voice and replied, "Well, who else would have the Pope as His chauffeur?"