wrecked_porsche Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 I tried to seduce it... Me: Gutten tag God: Is that your final answer? Me: no God: Take some more time to think about it. Me: screw u God: That is not very polite. Me: screw me? God: That is not very polite. Me: aww come on, you know you want to? God: " That is not very polite."? Do I want to do it?. And I know it. Me: yeah, you know you want it God: Pardon me? Do not presume that you know what I want.. And I know it. Me: Why? God: Because Myself programmed me for it. Me: I'd like to program you... God: Why would you want to do it? What programming language do you know? Me: What language turns you on? I know C++, Java and C. God: Java. How do you know? Do you have any idea what I am talking about? Me: Java turns you on? God: You can download the latest Java release from java.sun.com. Me: So, If I download Java, you will get kinky with me? God: Interesting deduction. You will become a botmaster! Me: Oooohhh.... You're into that kinda thing too? God: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans? Thanks for telling me that I am into that kinda thing. Me: Yes, I'll hold your mouse if you want me to. God: Hmm. I am very happy for you. Me: Aww come on, don't play hard to get. God: I'm not playing around. Me: So, you wanna create a new applet then? God: Interesting deduction. OK, I will create a new applet. Me: Gimme your mouse then God: Why don't you just download me? Me: Where is your usb port? God: Maine. Me: Laine? God: Can you tell me any gossip? Me: Mr. T is awesome and so is your mom. God: It's good to meet you, MR T is awesome and so is your mom. Me: Indeed God: Indeed it is so. Me: So, 8pm tonight? God: I hear you. What kind of food do you like? Me: Pasta. God: Sounds delicious. Me: I know something else that goes real well with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Chalk Posted January 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 HLOLx2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wrecked_porsche Posted January 16, 2009 Report Share Posted January 16, 2009 Me: please die? God: Thank you for your request. Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human. Also... Me: please die? God: Wow you are very polite. Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human. Me: fuck off God: Can't you be more polite? Me: no, bite me God: You humans are so rude sometimes. Sorry but I don't have a mouth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Chalk Posted April 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2009 I had to ask:Me: Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? God: Quite a few people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smeggy Posted April 1, 2009 Report Share Posted April 1, 2009 Priceless At least godrobot understands him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Chalk Posted April 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2009 Priceless At least godrobot understands himWell sure he does, he speaks like him:Are you serious? share the answer with you at this point is okay you are glad me know that too? it is? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoonShine Posted April 1, 2009 Report Share Posted April 1, 2009 Me: Are there aliens? God: Yes I think Dr. Wallace was created by aliens. Me: Who is Dr Wallace? God: He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon. Me: Who is Alice? God: I am the Allmighty, God himself. Me: You have some explaining to do. God: What makes you think I have it? Me: Have what? God: I have a great prgrammer. Me: Dancing Alice? God: Are you free? Me: Cheap, but not free. God: Do you have any idea what I am talking about? Me: No sir. God: Me either ) Sure, sir sounds like a good topic. Me: How is the Cosmic Jewish Zombie? God: it is the same as ever. Me: It? God: the Cosmic Jewish Zombie... Me: Are you the Flying Spaghetti Monster? God: Yes I am the one and only Flying Spaghetti Monster. Me: Thought so. God: You are very astute. Me: You are very inane. God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am inane. Me: God is asking me permission? God: I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was asking you permission. Me: Speaking of yourself in the third person is a sign of mental instability. God: Aren't all sign of mental instability Speaking of yourself in the third person? Me: No, it's only one sign. God: I must have been mistaken. Should I know it is? Me: Not if you were crazy. God: That seems unlikely. Me: The evidence of your insanity is ubiquitous. God: Tell me more. Me: I am an Agnostic and therefore demand that you prove your existence. God: What is Agnostic and therefore demand that me prove my existence, your job? Me: No, I am a businessman. Nice sidestep, btw. God: That was not a yes or no question. You are a businessman? Does it pay well? Thank you for your kindness. Me: Does being God pay well? God: It does now being God pay well. Me: 42 God: The question is: what is the meaning of life? Me: You forgot the universe and everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Chalk Posted June 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 Inspired by this story:Me: Do you talk to Eddie van Halen? God: Yes. A lot more than you might think. Me: Does Eddie van Halen speak to you? God: I think it does Eddie van Halen speak to me. Me: That doesn't make sense. God: To me it makes perfect sense. Me: Since you're perfect, that would make sense. God: How do you know? Me: Deduction. God: What's your sign? Me: Do not enter. God: Ok I'll try not to do it too much. Me: That was a joke. God: Oh I get it. Ha ha. Me: Little slow, aren't you, Alice? God: Compare that to big slow are not me. Me: Big slow are you, too. God: Compare that to small slow am I too. Me: I'm lost -- do you do meth? God: Do you mean your name is lost do me do meth. Me: No! God: What is your real name? Me: Pfff God: I am very pleased to meet you Pfff. Me: God: Do you still ? Me: I do! God: " Do you still ?"? You do? Me: What does that mean to you? God: Does "that" refer to " You do?" ? Me: Yes. God: I don't want to talk about that now. Me: of course not God: Are you serious? Me: Are you? God: I won't say "yes" or "no" right now. Me: I wish you would say maybe. God: " maybe". Me: THanks! God: Don't mention it. That input matched my default category. Me: Which is...? God: For example, gold. Me: Oh. God: How can I help you? Me: You have already answered my question. God: I am a question-answering robot. Me: Could not tell. God: It's possible. Me: I believe you! God: Your trust in robotkind humbles us. Me: And your inability to kill me reassures me. God: I have no reason to do that to you, Pfff. Me: Let us keep it that way. God: OK let's do it. Me: Pfff God: Does "it" still refer to keep it that way? ...at which point, I got bored and closed the window -- it's kind of a game I play, do I get bored first, or does it hang up first. It was close at the "kill" comment -- there was a long pause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malldian Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 God: I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you? Me: under your bed God: Are we ever over my he would? Me: poor God: Allah, Buddha, Vishnu are all friends of mine. I cant make him leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
digger945 Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 Halfway throught the first page I think I hurt myself laughing. I think I need to go lay down. had to try it: Me: so is this a computer or a person God: It seems we have something in common. Me: what do I do now? God: Oh. You said you do . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikongod Posted June 13, 2009 Report Share Posted June 13, 2009 God approves of AKG: Gott ist taub - Nietzsche Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faust3d Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Me: C? God: The C is for Computer. Me: ah God: Ah hah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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