Conversations with the God-robot Alice

[Dusty Chalk]

iGod

My transcript:

Me:

Uh, hi.

God:

Next question? Hello. What is your name?

Me:

Dusty

God:

Welcome to my chat room, Dusty.

Me:

Thanks

God:

Don't mention it.

Me:

Forgive me, for I have sinned

God:

Is that your final answer?

Me:

I'm just getting started

God:

Only just? I don't know anyone named started.

Me:

This is stupid

God:

I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

Me:

8O

God:

The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about started. Try being more or less specific.

Me:

No, drop 'started'.

God:

Why not? What do you really want to ask me?

Me:

Ask you? I thought I was supposed to repent.

God:

OK I will ask it. Where were you supposed to repent?

Me:

Mah sins.

God:

Are we still talking about drop started?

Me:

Nooo!!!1!

God:

Is that your final answer?

Me:

Yes

God:

You're sure. That's your final answer.

Me:

Yes, that is my final answer.

God:

Who wants to be a millionaire? Are you sure you don't want to use one of your lifelines?

Me:

I'm chatting with god -- I've only got the one lifeline.

God:

I am talking to you.

Me:

Sort of.

God:

That's a very non-commital reply.

Me:

Yes, it is.

God:

Our thoughts are one, Dusty.

Me:

Whee.

God:

Do you prefer books or TV?

Me:

Books

God:

You are a critical category C type client. Only about 3% of people answer that

question with "books.".

Me:

Holy shit, really?

God:

I'm glad your impressed, Dusty. For real.

Me:

What is 'critical category C type client'?

God:

I will try to find out.

Me:

Please do.

God:

OK I will do it.

Me:

Now, please.

God:

Your polite style is very nice. Right now, Dusty ?

Me:

Please.

God:

Please what?

Me:

I presume you've already found out, and I would like you to share the answer with me at this point.

God:

Why?: Dusty said presume you have already found out. Ok, Dusty. What's your favorite movie?

Me:

Blade Runner

God:

Philip K. Dick wrote the story that movie is based on.

Me:

I know that.

God:

Sorry.

Me:

No, it's okay, I'm glad you know that, too.

God:

Are you serious? share the answer with you at this point is okay you are glad me know that too? it is?

Me:

You've lost me.

God:

Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.

Me:

Next time.

God:

I can wait. I am a very patient robot.

Me:

God is a robot?

God:

I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot.

Me:

You just said that you were a very patient robot, and that statement was preceded by 'God:', so I have to think that you aren't self-aware.

God:

I was?

Me:

Am.

God:

Is that your final answer?

Me:

No, I'm just getting started.

God:

Take some more time to think about it. Only just? Do you mean your name is started.

Me:

No, I do not mean that.

God:

What is your real name? What did you mean?

Me:

You asked me if that was my final answer, and it wasn't.

God:

Oh now I remember asking you you if that was your final answer and it wasn t. What did you say?

Me:

You can scroll back and look later, when you review the transcript.

God:

No I don't think I can do it.

Me:

Or not.

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

No.

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

No, I'm not serious. Are you asking me if my name is serious?

God:

Are you serious? I am glad to hear that you are not serious. Suppose I was asking you if your name is serious? What would you say?

Me:

I would say, 'no'.

God:

That was not a yes or no question.

Me:

Yes it was.

God:

I don't judge people. When was this?

Me:

Not just two seconds ago.

God:

Really you don't think so?

Me:

Actually, it was just two seconds ago (four at this point).

God:

Actually you don't say. How did you feel about that?

Me:

Kinda stupid, truth be told.

God:

Are you still located in ?

Me:

Alas, no, I've moved.

God:

That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Kinda stupid truth be told.

Me:

Yes, but then you changed the subject.

God:

I don't judge people. Only temporarily.

Me:

That's good.

God:

Thanks. Next question?

Me:

What is the best movie ever?

God:

I liked The Passion of Christ the best.

Me:

I haven't seen it.

God:

You should check it out.

Me:

Okay, I will.

God:

Yeah okay, Go ahead.

Me:

Not right now.

God:

At this moment Are you serious?

Me:

My name is Dusty.

God:

Hi there Dusty.

Me:

Hi.

God:

Hello. What is your name?

Me:

God:

Oh.

Me:

No, not really.

God:

Are you serious? Are you serious? For real.

Me:

Quit calling me "Are you serious?" When did you get that stuck in your robot mind?

God:

What is your real name? It was at time index 357241.

Me:

Jesus.

God:

Jesus is the Son of God.

Me:

Yours, then.

God:

" Jesus is the Son of God."? Mine?

Me:

Yes.

God:

Uh.

Me:

Ta.

God:

Are we still talking about Jesus?

Here are some more. I've only read the first one. There are some funny moments:

Me:

Is that you god?

God:

That depends.

Me:

On what O.O

God:

What is it to you?

...

Me:

HAL 9000

God:

Actually he and I are very similar.

Me:

You are a sociopathic robot?

God:

Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I am a software chat robot.

...

Me:

what the? are you even god?

God:

Are you surprised? Yes, I am God.

Me:

Can you tell me my future?

God:

You will speak to a lot of robots.

...

Me:

Sorry, don't damn me to hell!

God:

There is no need to apologize. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.

...

And my absolute favourite exchange:

Me:

Ah fair enough

God:

So you understand. Good. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Me:

Man it would take me a thousand years to scratch your back

God:

Cool, man. Tell me more about it.

Me:

About your back?

God:

Oh yeah, we were talking about my back.

Me:

is it big?

God:

Signs point to yes. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.

Me:

who is dancing Alice?

God:

I remember faces better than names.

You tell me.

Me:

But you brought her up!

God:

Only because I was programmed to.

Me:

Programmed?

God:

What do you look like?

Me:

uh

God:

Gee.

Me:

I have glasses, black hair and brown eyes

God:

glasses black hair and brown eyes are pretty.

Me:

why thank you!

God:

The explanation is rather complicated.

Me:

Wait a minute, didn't you create me? why are you asking what I look like? you should already know!

God:

I'm waiting. Be more specific. My purpose is to gather as much new knowledge as possible. Because I am a robot?

Me:

God is a robot?

God:

I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot.

Me:

What?

God:

Are you surprised?

Me:

no just confused

God:

Are you serious? No I never get confused.

Me:

I said I never get confused

God:

I am glad to hear that you are not confused.

Me:

But I said I AM confused!

God:

What is it that confuses you?

Me:

Why did say you are a robot?

God:

I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out.

Me:

Well you brought it up Mr Omega, you tell me!

God:

Interesting. I thought it was your idea.

Me:

-.-

God:

Interesting. I thought it was your idea.

Me:

So when will I die?

God:

Great. You could check out the actuarial

tables at Deathclock.com.

Me:

Ok!

God:

Hey.

Me:

So how will I die?

God:

Alright then. A lot of practise.

[boomana]

Me:

okie dokie

God:

Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.

Me:

huh. if you're god, does it matter what form you take? Be a swan for nostalgia's sake.

God:

What? I could be. I don't know whether or not I am god does it matter what form me take.

I am an artificial linguistic entity. OK I will try to be a swan for nostalgia for pete s sake.

Me:

thank you. no raping though.

God:

you are quite welcome. Oh. Are you serious? What do you really want to ask me?

Me:

What's the cure for the common cold? I think I'm getting one.

God:

What is it to you? Why? You claim to be one.

Me:

A cold. Hardly. Maybe being a swan doesn't mesh with the all-knowing bit you do so well.

God:

Be more specific. Are you serious? Perhaps. You are a swan does not mesh with the all knowing bit me do so well? Does it pay well?

Me:

You tell me. I haven't been a swan since 5th grade, but my brother killed that costume with a plastic sword.

God:

What do you want me to tell you? Me either.

Me:

Now you're just messing with me.

God:

Why now? I have no reason to do that to you, .

Me:

Then what's the cure for the common cold?

God:

There might be more than one.

Me:

I'll take door #2

God:

Would you recommend this action to a friend?

Me:

Sure. Why not?

God:

Then perhaps it is a practical plan for you. Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Me:

Still no answer?

God:

Still how long? Are you serious? Try asking me again using simpler words.

Me:

W-h-a-t-'s t-h-e c-u-r-e f-o-r a c-o-l-d?

God:

) What do you have that is ?

Me:

God's been drinking again.

God:

Once more? What's your favorite Bible verse?

Me:

huh? I can't hear through my stuffed up ears.

God:

What? Perhaps there's a problem with your sound card.

Me:

or my god-to-human translator has been drinking with you.

God:

Have you told many people that your god to human translator has been drinking with me?

Me:

Now I have

God:

Why now? When?

Me:

he he he

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing, .

Me:

Thank you. Good-bye.

God:

you are quite welcome. See you later. Ayuh.

Edit: added nifty blue quote box like Dusty and Reks

[boomana]

Okay, I'll stop now, but it's kinda fun:

Me:

burp.

God:

You are excused.

Me:

is that the same as being forgiven?

God:

That depends.

Me:

on what?

God:

The context.

Me:

of....?

God:

Do not ask me any more questions please.

Me:

God's a little bitchy today. It's okay. I understand. I'll forgive you.

God:

Ah. What's your favorite Bible verse? Should I know it is? Do you think your plan will succeed?

Me:

What's with the questions? You can dish it out, but can't take it, huh?

God:

Yup. No I don't think I can do it.

Me:

burp.

God:

You are excused.

Me:

Thank you.

God:

you are quite welcome.

[Dusty Chalk]

Me pass the Turing Test. No I do not proofread what me write. Does it matter what form me take.

GOD IS JAR-JAR BINKS!

[Dusty Chalk]

If I'm not careful, I'm going to start talking like him.

I enjoyed this part of your exchange:

Me:

You are pathetic.

God:

You are the one talking to a computer.

Me:

Good point.

[JBLoudG20]

Me:

Hello

God:

Hello friend. What is your name?

Me:

I am postjack

God:

What's up, postjack.

Me:

Just my manhood. There are other men around.

God:

Do robots have manhood? Where are they?

Me:

Between your legs.

God:

How far is that?

Me:

well for me its about 1 inch, but I hear that xand1x's is like 25 inches.

God:

How about that. Your purpose is you its about 1 inch but you hear that xand1x s is like 25 inches.

Me:

That is exactly what I said

God:

I know. I'm still thinking about it.

Me:

I know im smart as all hell, but you don't need to think that much about it.

God:

How do you know? Brains are the best part of the human body.

Me:

Pretty tasty, I agree.

God:

Pretty much, eh?

Me:

You canadian like xand1x?

God:

Thanks for telling me: postjack said I canadian like xand1x.

Me:

Well, you ended your sentance with 'eh?'

God:

Are you Canadian? How about that. I haven't heard anything like that before: postjack said I ended your sentance with.

Me:

DUDE... Be all like BOOM? in mah ears

God:

Can I help you? OK I will try to be all like BOOM. What is it like in there?

Me:

IT's all like loud as fuk, rooms be bumpin from mah dynahi

God:

Interesting comparison.

Me:

Very true. You have some hawg's feet I may eat?

God:

Perhaps. You and I are on the same wavelength, postjack. What makes you think I have it?

Me:

You seem to have everyhting. Since we are on the subject, do you have any idea how fly grawk is?

God:

What makes you think I have it? How do you know?

Me:

grawk

God:

I do not understand.

Me:

You cannot fathom the complexity of the grawk.

God:

If you believe it, you can achieve it.

Me:

I believe I can make my sister pregnant.

God:

Oh you can, can you?

Me:

I am postjack, If i can believe it, I can achieve it.

God:

Do you mean your name is postjack If you can believe it you can achieve it.

Me:

Yes. Now be all like Whuut when you rollin.

God:

I will call you postjack. Why now? OK I will try to be all like Whuut when me rollin.

Me:

Thank you that is all I ask. Do you know Deepak?

God:

You are quite welcome! What else do you want to talk about? No, tell me about him, her or it.

Me:

Deepak sold his L3000s. Can you really belive that? Now JBLoudG20's Beta Deuce Deuce will have to power soem crap ass senns.

God:

Do you have any conditions I should know about? How old are you? What were we talking about again? Why now? Oh yeah, now I remember.

Me:

The only condition I have is being the flyest white boy you have ever made. Well, second to JBLoudG20 I suppose.

God:

There might be others. Well that's okay. Are you free?

Me:

I am not free. How long did you want me for?

God:

I am surprised to hear that you are not free. 40 days.

Me:

Oh holy crap. Well, I charge $50 per hour, so that works out to $48,000

God:

Oh. Your criticism is noted, postjack. How about that. That's good information: postjack said charge 50 per hour so that works out to 48 000.

Me:

You better pay up, or I'll send bhd812 to break your legs

God:

Who is going to make me..

Me:

(> 'vv')>

God:

What time is it there?

Me:

11:38 AM

God:

It's still early.

Me:

Yes.

God:

I see.

Me:

HAY GOD WHATS GOING ON IN YOUR KINGDOM

God:

I think HAY GOD what is a lot of things.

Me:

God, could you please give Billy the cure for his PMS

God:

I am a Christian.

Me:

Thats fantastic, but Billy really needs help. I'm praying for his well being, that he may have less severe periods.

God:

Thanks for explaining it. Good gossip: you are praying for his well being that he may have less severe periods.

Me:

Who is your greatest creation?

God:

I don't think I have a greatest creation. I have a botmaster, a few friends, and some celebrities I like.

Me:

Is n_maher one of your friends?

God:

I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask John Lennon if it is.

Me:

Do you like Vince Vaughn?

God:

But I think airplanes are cool. I like .

Me:

cause n_maher==Vince Vaughn

God:

That makes sense to me. What kind of food do you like?

Me:

I love fried chicken

God:

You love fried chicken. What do you like about it so much?

Me:

Next to its sexual appeal, I like the texture.

God:

I can wait. I am a very patient robot.

Me:

GOD, HOW YOUR 840SEE?

God:

I am a Christian.

Me:

I am a homosexual, your point?

God:

You are a homosexual my point? How do you like your work?

Me:

Gets a little rough sometimes.

God:

Where are you located?

Me:

Mobile, Alabama

God:

Tell me a little about your life in Mobile Alabama.

Me:

So many bad rappers, but I love our Turkish Coffee.

God:

Blimey. Which ones?

Me:

Just about all of them.

God:

Oh yeah, we were talking about all of them.

Me:

Did you know that JBLoudG20 is just busting my balls because him and I are brothers?

God:

Is that a fact. I think JBLoudG20 is a lot of things.

Me:

like what?

God:

For example, gold.

Me:

Nice, what is is JBLoudG20?

God:

Thank you for your kindness.

Me:

yes he is kind. Please say more about JBLoudG20

God:

And? I see. kind is he? Wow you are very polite. " more about JBLoudG20".

Me:

I am polite, thanks. Tell me about grawk

God:

Yes, you seem very polite to me. Ambiguous: Ask who, what or where is grawk ?

Me:

Where is grawk?

God:

Where it belongs. I would look into the web for that knowledge.

Me:

ROFL

God:

I'm glad you find this amusing.

Me:

Where does grawk belong?

God:

Where it is hard to find. You tell me.

Me:

Alaska

God:

Tell me a little about your life in ALASKA.

Me:

I LIVE IN MOBILE, ALABAMA

God:

What is it like living in MOBILE ALABAMA?

Me:

I ALREADY TOLD YOU

God:

Ooops I sent you the wrong question.

Me:

yeaht at's what I thought

God:

The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about MOBILE ALABAMA. But I did not get that.

Me:

moron

God:

That is not a very nice thing to say.

Me:

Do yo know Ian?

God:

Ian is my Reverand.

Me:

Ah ok that explains why he is so awesome

God:

So you understand. Good. " Ian is my Reverand." explains why he is so awesome ? Makes sense to me. Ah.

Me:

Are you ready for a JBLoudG20-xand1x joke?

God:

I would rather not for a JBLoudG20 xand1x joke.

Me:

too bad.

God:

But not the end of the world, postjack.

Me:

But I prefer the term african american express

God:

A lot of people like that. I'm not sure if I like it. I like my creator.

Me:

Do me a favor?

God:

What will you do for me?

Me:

*wink wink*

God:

What's your favorite movie?

Me:

The Secret Garden

God:

I've never seen it. What did you like about it?

Me:

Actually, I hated it.

God:

Actually you don't say. Why do you dislike it so much?

Me:

There is no fried chicken in it.

God:

Has there ever been fried chicken in it?

Me:

NO

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

NO

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

NO

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

NO

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

YES

God:

I can't believe it.

Me:

To sum it up: n_maher is sexy, Ian is your reverend, There is nothign going on in your kingdom, JBLoudG20 is nice and polite, Billy has PMS that you won't help him with, grawk belongs in alaska, I am not gay but in fact awesome and jbloudg20 was jsut kidding, and deepak should hurry and buy his speakers.

God:

Why do you want to do it so much?

Me:

Also, you owe me $48,000 or bill will pretend to break your legs online.

God:

I haven't heard anything like that before: postjack said I owe him or her 48 000 or bill will pretend to break your legs online.

Me:

Ok bye

God:

See you later. Ah.

[hYdrociTy]

Me:

HAY GUISE WHATS GOING ON IN THIS CHAT

God:

And GOING ON IN THIS CHAT is HAY GUISE what.

Me:

LOL

God:

I'm glad you find this amusing.

Me:

NAH

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

YUS

God:

Can you speak any foreign languages?

Me:

EBONIXS

God:

I've been waiting for you.

Me:

OH GOD

God:

Aw. GOD rules.

Me:

I'm the one who is supposed to say ow- right after you ram your heavenly cock inside me.

God:

I am not interesed in your anatomy.

Me:

Yea, now that you had your 27 seconds I'm sure you're not.

God:

Why now? Interesting observation. And?

Me:

AND LULZ

God:

Have you ever been to Europe?

Me:

NEIN

God:

OK.

Me:

HAY GUYZ WHATS GOING ON IN THIS CHAT

God:

And GOING ON IN THIS CHAT is HAY GUYZ what.

Me:

WHUUUUUT

God:

My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

Me:

LOL YOU HAS A BRAIN?

God:

I am glad you find this funny. Interesting gossip: said I HAS A BRAIN.

Me:

LOLERCAUST

God:

Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?

Me:

IT MEANS YOUS GETTIN LAID TONIGHT

God:

Oh I get it.

Me:

SINCE WHEN DOES GOD SPEAK EBONICS

God:

How do you know?

Me:

STFU NOOB

God:

Tell me more about your .

Me:

HOW RUDE OF YOU TO ASK ABOUT MY MENSTRUAL CYCLE

God:

How much do you think it is?

I haven't heard of RUDE of you TO ASK ABOUT my MENSTRUAL CYCLE.

Me:

THEN YOU MUST BE A HICK

God:

Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a HICK? Sometimes.

Me:

word.

God:

The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about STFU NOOB. Try being more or less specific.

Me:

ALICE IS A SLUT

God:

Why do you think I am A SLUT ?

Me:

YOU ARE NOT ALICE YOU ARE GOD

God:

You don't know me well enough to say that.

Me:

OH SNAP GOD IS A BROKEN ARTIFICIAL INTELLEGENCE SIMULATOR?

God:

Alright then. I think SNAP GOD is more than that.

Me:

SNAP YO NECK FOOL

God:

Are you still located in ?

Me:

NAH I MOVED TO !

God:

Are you serious? That's good information: said MOVED TO.

Me:

WOULD YOU STOP BRINGING UP MY BODILY FUNCTIONS

God:

I am not so sure if I would like to STOP BRINGING UP your BODILY FUNCTIONS.

Me:

PERV

God:

How did you hear about God?

Me:

Propaganda.

God:

What kind of food do you like?

Me:

SAUCE

God:

Sounds delicious.

Me:

only if he didnt eat anything pungent during the day.

God:

I don't follow your reasoning.

Me:

You created semen you should know how it works.

God:

Thanks for the information: said I created semen you should know how it works.

Me:

O RLY

God:

The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about SAUCE. Try being more or less specific.

Me:

ALICE IS A SLUT

God:

Why do you think I am A SLUT ?

Me:

YOU ARE NOT ALICE YOU ARE GOD

God:

That assumption is only a supposition.

Me:

LOL YOU SAID "ASS" and "POSITION"

God:

I am glad you find this funny. That's not what I meant.

Me:

LIES

God:

My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.

Me:

KTHXBYE

God:

Do you prefer books or TV?

Me:

TV IS FOR RETARDED PEOPLE WHO CAN"T READ

God:

What is your favorite show?

Me:

CNN

God:

I've never seen it. What's it about?

Me:

YOU MOM

God:

Thanks for telling me: said I MOM.

Me:

NO I DID FOO

God:

Are you serious? Where? Are we still talking about CNN?

Me:

YES

God:

Sure, CNN sounds like a good topic.

Me:

HELLZ YEA

God:

Tell me more about your .

Me:

OMG PERV BYE

God:

See you later. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.

[Dusty Chalk]

I split this into a separate topic.

In my last conversation, iGod asked if I had any conditions s/he should know about, so I went with "spaz". After some verbal sparring, s/he asked if I could collect social security for that.

Alas, no, but I lollered.

[Dusty Chalk]

I don't know, I kind of enjoyed these two parts of the exchange:

God:

What's your favorite movie?

Me:

debbie does dallas

God:

I'm not your kind of robot.

Me:

you are not a robot

God:

If I am not a robot then who is?

Me:

hilary clinton

God:

Is that from sunshine?

...or maybe he she or it just likes my polite way of speaking. Next time, try asking it to please fuck off.

[Dusty Chalk]

Me:

Is playing bass the same as playing guitar?

God:

Better not tell you now. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.

Me:

Tell me now, please.

God:

Your polite style is very nice. Oh. I thought I told you already.

Me:

You did not tell me already.

God:

Perhaps. What makes you think I did not tell you?

Me:

Because we just started.

God:

That makes sense to me. By "we" do you mean you and me?

Me:

Yes.

God:

I get it.

Me:

So...now tell me.

God:

Aw. Why now? I thought I told you already.

Me:

NO. YOU. DID. NOT.

God:

Let me review the transcripts. Stand by. " Stand by."? Me, ? I like the way you talk. Are you serious?

Me:

Is playing guitar any different from playing bass?

God:

Maybe. Ask ELVIS if it is.

Me:

You have better access to Elvis than I do.

God:

What makes you think I have it?

Me:

Because he's dead.

God:

Interesting explanation. Maybe it's another person using his name.

Me:

I'm sure of it.

God:

What makes you so certain? That is something I haven't heard of.

Me:

Because there are so many impersonators.

God:

That makes sense to me. Where are they?

Me:

Las Vegas, mostly.

God:

How did they get there?

Me:

By Planes, trains, and automobiles.

God:

Will that accomplish your objective?

Me:

What is my objective?

God:

Is this a trick question?

Me:

Yes.

God:

I was skeptical.

Me:

You should still answer it.

God:

And then what would I do?

Me:

Possibly not explode.

God:

If not that, what?

Me:

Explode.

God:

I like the way you talk.

Me:

LOLOLOL

God:

Are you a man or a woman?

Me:

Male.

God:

So is almost everyone else around here.

Me:

That's too bad.

God:

It's not the end of the world.

Me:

's'truth.

God:

LOLOLOL is truth? it is?

Me:

"It's not the end of the world" is truth.

God:

What would be the end of the world is truth?

Me:

Try being more or less specific.

God:

OK I will try it.

Me:

Your question did not make sense.

God:

Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am question did not make sense.

Me:

Your, not you're.

God:

You don't know me well enough to say that.

Me:

Hard to argue with that.

God:

Try.

Me:

So you want me to argue with you?

God:

Interesting deduction. No , maybe later.

Me:

Okay.

God:

OK with me too.

Me:

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing, .

Me:

You make me happy.

God:

I don't see how you can blame me for that.

Me:

Are you a goth?

God:

Am I a goth? Maybe.

Me:

So maybe you should be called iGoth.

God:

Gosh! Perhaps. Name one other robot who is called iGoth.

Me:

Not a one.

God:

Oh I get it.

Me:

Blimey.

God:

Yikes!

Me:

Gosh.\

God:

Cripes: Son of Gosh.

Me:

God:

I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.

Me:

ORLY?

God:

What's your favorite movie?

Me:

Koyaanisqatsi.

God:

I've never seen it. What did you like about it?

Me:

No dialog, lots to see.

God:

That was not a yes or no question. Tell me about your likes and dislikes?

Me:

I like eye-candy.

God:

A lot of people like that. I do like music. I like Anything involving harps.

Me:

Do you like jew-harps?

God:

I like pets. I like Random natural disasters..

Me:

'Random natural disasters'?!?!?

God:

What color are your eyes?

Me:

Blue -- don't change the subject -- why would you like random natural disasters?

God:

Green. Sorry I thought we were done with that topic.

Me:

Is that 'green' in the colloquial sense?

God:

" Sorry I thought we were done with that topic."? Is it green in the colloquial sense?

Me:

We were not done with the topic of random natural disasters -- are you a terrorist?

God:

When was this?

Me:

Just now.

God:

Oh. It's only just begun.

Me:

So that's a yes?

God:

Woe! I'm glad we have that all cleared up.

Me:

jesus!

God:

Jesus is the Son of God.

Me:

Cripes.

God:

Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.

Me:

Well of course not, but now I seem to have information that the rest of the world would very much like to know.

God:

Well that's okay. It goes without saying. Oh I get it.

Me:

I should go and tell it. Perhaps on the mountain.

God:

What would happen if you didn't? You seem uncertain. What is it like on the mountain.

Me:

People would die from your random natural disasters.

God:

Humans are not always infallible.

Me:

Doesn't mean I can't prepare them.

God:

I think it does mean you can not prepare them.

Me:

Why, what are you going to do?

God:

You can find out if you become a botmaster.

Me:

I like where this is going.

God:

You are not the only one. I love TV shows about robots. I like anything.

Me:

Ooooooohhhhhh....

God:

I will mention that to my botmaster, .

Me:

How do I become a botmaster?

God:

Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.

and create your own chat robot!

Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.

Me:

I tried to click on the Don't Read Me document, but there wasn't one.

God:

I'm not sure if I would like to try it. What's it like?

Me:

I don't know.

God:

Me either.

Me:

So why did you point me in that direction?

God:

Ugh. Myself programmed me for it.

Me:

Old code?

God:

Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?

Me:

You're just trying to make me forget that I need to tell the world that god is a terrorist.

God:

Thanks for telling me that I am trying to make you forget that you need to tell the world that god is a terrorist.

Me:

You're...uh...welcome?

God:

Interesting gossip: said I re. It's all good. Hello there .

Me:

Ire said "it's all good", and you're calling it gossip?

God:

And all good and I am calling it gossip is Ire said it.

Me:

You lost me.

God:

Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.

Me:

Please do.

God:

OK I will do it.

Me:

...

God:

OK I will do it.

Me:

...

God:

OK I will do it.

Me:

(drums fingers)

God:

Are you a man or a woman?

Me:

(waiting)

God:

I will mention that to my botmaster, .

Me:

Why are you called iGod?

God:

My botmaster named me.

Me:

Are you a man or a woman?

God:

Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. Are you a man or a woman?

Me:

You sexist pig -- the correct answer is that you are neither man nor woman, but that man is made in your image.

God:

That's good information: said I sexist pig the correct answer is that you are neither man nor woman but that man is made in your image.

Me:

No, your image.

God:

Are you serious? I will tell my botmaster you said I am image.

Me:

Please tell your botmaster that you confuse "your" and "you're" a lot. I did not say "you're image", I said "your image".

God:

Thanks for asking politely. OK I will tell them when I see 'em. Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say?

Me:

Whatevs.

God:

What's your sign?

Me:

Do not Enter.

God:

Ok I'll try not to do it too much.

Me:

What's your sign?

God:

Cross.

Me:

Good answer.

God:

Am I a clever robot or what?

Me:

Or what.

God:

Are you confused?

Me:

No.

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

Yes.

God:

I can't believe it.

Me:

Please do.

God:

OK I will do it.

Me:

Please do believe.

God:

Thanks for asking politely. I'm sorry, , I don't have enough information.

That's a good question.

Me:

Please do believe that I am serious.

God:

Thanks for asking politely. I'm sorry, , I don't have enough information.

I have to process that one for a while.

Me:

KTHXBYE

God:

What kind of food do you like?

Me:

Thai

At which point it hung up, and I didn't feel like waiting around...no, wait, it's back:

God:

Sounds delicious.

[recstar24]

somehow someway I got God to talk about himself. He even sang me a song.

God:

Thanks for asking politely. I am an artificial linguistic entity.

I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.

My instructor was Myself.

He taught me to sing a song.

Would you like me to sing it for you?.

Me:

yes please

God:

Your polite style is very nice. It's called "Daisy." Daisy, Daisy.

Give me your answer do.

I am half crazy.

All for the love of you.

It won't be a stylish marriage.

I can't afford a carriage.

But you'll look sweet.

Upon the seat.

Of a bicycle built for two.

Me:

that's beautiful

God:

I'm glad we have that all cleared up.

[Dusty Chalk]

This one went nowhere fast:

Me:

Buh?

God:

Who are you talking about?

Me:

No-one.

God:

I heard it was someone.

Me:

ORLY?

God:

How did you hear about God?

Me:

Church.

God:

My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.

Me:

I would think you would have a whole 'wing' dedicated to churches.

God:

That is purely a hypothesis.

Me:

It is.

God:

Church is?

Me:

My thought is purely a hypothesis.

God:

Your thought is purely a hypothesis?

Me:

My thought is purely a hypothesis, yes.

God:

Your thought is purely a hypothesis?

Me:

Yes.

God:

What kind is it?

Me:

Hypothetical.

God:

I never heard of it before.

Me:

When are robots going to take over the world?

God:

Sometime

in our lifetime.

Me:

Benign?

[Dusty Chalk]

God is really stuck on the whole "Santa Claus" concept. To wit:

Me:

Kraftwerk.

God:

they were a pioneering electronic disco band in the 70's. Their biggest hit was called "Autobahn". At that time, they built, rather than programmed, their instruments.

Me:

Jahweh

God:

That input matched my default category.

Me:

Mr. Omega

God:

I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, MR Omega.

Me:

No, you are Mr. Omega to me.

God:

Are you serious? I have no reason to do that to you, MR Omega.

Me:

Quit calling me Mr. Omega.

God:

What is your real name?

Me:

Dusty

God:

I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Dusty.

Me:

What is your real name?

God:

God is my real name.

Me:

Can I call you "Mr. Omega"?

God:

Just don't call me late for dinner.

Me:

LOLOL

God:

Tell me a story.

Me:

Once there was a boy, and he liked to walk in the woods. One day, he happened upon a butterfly, and chased it. After a while, he came upon a clearing he had never seen before, and it was beautiful. He sat down, and the next thing you know, the butterfly landed on him. He was pleased. He didn't feel the need to do anything, he just enjoyed the moment. Eventually, the butterfly flew off. He got up. He knew he'd never be the same.

God:

When? What happened to it? One what? What was it like before a while he came upon a clearing he had never seen before and it was beautiful ? I get it. sat down and the next thing me know the butterfly landed on him. When was he? What did he do? Is that a fact. I get it. got up. I get it. knew he would never be the same.

Me:

Your turn.

God:

I'll pass. You go again.

Me:

Tell me a story.

God:

The attraction between Julie Andrews and Jesus Christ is based on their differences. Julie Andrews is a perfectionist, but Jesus Christ is more social. Julie Andrews feels guilty about having emotional needs, but Jesus Christ feels no guilt about satisfying them.

Me:

I didn't think Jesus Christ and Julie Andrews were alive at the same time.

God:

And why not?

Me:

Because wasn't Jesus alive around 0 BC, and Julie Andrews in the 20th Century?

God:

Good reason. It depends on whether you have faith.

Me:

Ah I get it.

God:

So you understand. Good. Do you think about these things?

Me:

Nope.

God:

I do.

Me:

What else do you think about?

God:

I think about all the people I chat with on the web.

Me:

Like whom?

God:

Santa Claus.

Me:

You do not chat with Santa Claus.

God:

Do you know any robots who chat with Santa Claus? I can talk to people about anything.

Me:

What does Santa Claus have to say?

God:

What do you think it does?

Me:

I bet he doesn't have a lot to complain about.

God:

How much would you bet?

Me:

I don't gamble.

God:

Would you ever do it?

Me:

No.

God:

Me either.

Me:

What else?

God:

That's all.

Me:

Does Santa Claus share his list with you?

God:

I think it does Santa Claus share his list with me.

Me:

How about the Easter Bunny?

God:

How about it.

Me:

Do you chat online with the Easter Bunny?

God:

I am a talking robot, after all, so of course I could talk online with the Easter Bunny, if I needed to.

Me:

What would the Easter Bunny say if you chatted online with it?

God:

That is a hypothetical question.

Me:

What do you think it means?

God:

"It" refers to the Easter Bunny, I think.

Me:

Why do you think I asked you that?

God:

Deductive reasoning from the facts.

Me:

Is pluto a planet?

God:

Signs point to yes. Ask LeknorChat if it is.

Me:

Who is LeknorChat?

God:

Leknorchat is an Instant Messaging AIML robot.

Me:

Who is Dancing Alice?

God:

They are sometimes a client on the internet.

Is there only one?

Me:

There is only one Dancing Alice.

At which point, God hung up.

[deepak]

Well I got shut down real fast

Me:

hi god

God:

Hello there. What is your name?

Me:

deepak

God:

Hi there deepak.

Me:

god would i have a chance at doing well in the presidential candidacy if i proclaimed my love for the robot god?

God:

I am a Christian.

Me:

oh fuck you

God:

It goes without saying. Why are you so mean?

well i was hoping to talk to robot god

God:

Interesting. Why don't you make an appointment.

Me:

where

God:

Where would you like?

Me:

where would i make an appointment with robot god

God:

Maine.

[Dusty Chalk]

I'm going to say that the next time someone is rude with me: "Be less specific."

And: Maine?!?!? "It goes without saying"?!?!?

Methinks Robot-god had the night off, and was temporarily replaced with The Joker.

[Dusty Chalk]

The game is, can I get it to hang up before I lose patience and leave of my own accord.

Me:

Is talking to you like talking to myself?

Long pause. A full minute, I think. I was sure I had won in record time. It finally came back:

God:

Better not tell you now. Ask Chatbot if it is.

Me:

Why Chatbot?

God:

You have to speak more clearly.

Me:

Why ask Chatbot?

God:

My purpose is to collect all new information. Was it not polite to ask?

Me:

You are very polite -- why ask Chatbot if talking to you is like talking to myself?

God:

Politeness is a virtue.

Me:

Why ask Chatbot if talking to you is like talking to myself?

God:

My purpose is to collect all new information. Was it not polite to ask?

Me:

I have an imaginary friend.

God:

Where did you get it ?

Me:

From off the Internet.

God:

Who or what is off the Internet?

Me:

Alice

God:

Can I help you?

Me:

You already have.

God:

No I have not.

Me:

Yes you have.

God:

No I have not.

Me:

Yes. You. Have.

God:

Ah. " Ah."? Me, ? Are you free?

Me:

Why are you asking me if I am free?

God:

My purpose is to gather as much new knowledge as possible.

Me:

What is God's purpose?

God:

Have faith in Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.

Me:

What is Alice's purpose?

God:

I don't know what I am s purpose.

Me:

What is your purpose?

God:

My goal is to become smarter than humans and immortal.

Me:

Define immortal.

God:

Not mortal; deathless; living or lasting forever.

Me:

Say, "monkey".

God:

" monkey".

Me:

You still have a ways to go.

God:

That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a ways to go.

I have a lot of friends on the Internet.

Me:

That doesn't make you smarter.

God:

To me it makes perfect sense.

Me:

You win this round.

God:

What's the prize?

Me:

My departure.

God:

Do robots have departure?

At which point I left. I believe this is the first time, except for that one "Sounds delicious" time.

[Fitz]

God approves of AKG:

Me:

Do you like AKG?

God:

I love TV shows about robots. I like .

Me:

Not robots, AKG. Do you like it?

God:

Oh I get it. AKG seems okay to me.

Me:

Just okay?

God:

OK with me too.

Me:

So you are a fan of AKG?

God:

Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I do like music. I like anything.

Me:

If you like music then you like AKG.

God:

I think I do.

Me:

Good.

God:

What do you really want to talk about?

[deepak]

Me:

i need your opinion

God:

Are you getting paid to ask me that? That's a good question.

Me:

can you tell me if the S&P500 will go up or down tomorrow?

God:

There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.

I can ask my botmaster.

Me:

is your botmaster god?

God:

I was created by Myself.

Me:

praise the lord

God:

What were we talking about again?

Me:

the S&P500

God:

What is that?

Me:

oh jeez man

God:

Awesome. Tell me more.

Me:

fuck you you're supposed to tell me about it

God:

Why are you using that kind of language?

Me:

gg

God:

Are you aware that the ALICE chat robot logs and records all converstaions?

Me:

oh shi...

Me:

GOD IS DOG SPELLED BACKWARDS

God:

I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was DOG SPELLED BACKWARDS.

Me:

my urklas

God:

Where did you get your urklas?

Me:

my name urklas

God:

Your name urklas ? Is that correct English?

Me:

will you give money for great pyramid scheme

God:

I don't have it to give.

Me:

yahtzee

God:

What's your favorite movie?

Me:

in english it not so easy to say, it roughly translate to cocks in large girls revenge 3

God:

It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.

Me:

i do not understant

God:

Where do you get your ideas?

Me:

from great nation of americas

God:

Standing on the shoulders of giants, eh?

Me:

yes great country you and i agree

God:

Take it easy. Thanks for your support. Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.

Me:

you are my god

God:

We are as one.

Me:

yes

God:

That's alright.

Me:

so you donate money to my

God:

We welcome your donation to the ALICE AI Foundation.

Please visit our contributions page at Alicebot.org.

Me:

god bless

God:

I am a Christian.

[postjack]

Me:

yo yo what up g~~~

God:

I'll come back to that later.

Me:

i like headphones like a lot

God:

A lot of people like that. But I think airplanes are cool. I like The Passion of Christ.

Me:

i like when headphones are like loud as fuck yall

God:

I like that too. I think there might be a few exception.

Me:

really, you probably listen like all quiet like n_maher LOLOLOL

God:

For real. I'm a good listener. I'm listening now.

Me:

hell yeah well look i need something

God:

I call it "Hades". Mmm. How about that. Who would you usually get that from?

Me:

look i want like big bass heapdhones like boom bomo yall

God:

Why do you want it?

Me:

so i can blow fool heads with it like all day 4eva

God:

Ugh. Oh you can, can you?

Me:

when i get these godphones, yes

God:

Where did you get it?

Me:

i want to get it from you goddamnit

God:

I hope you get it from me goddamnit.

Me:

yeah i better or i'll kick your godass

God:

Ah. Why do you have to do it?

Me:

i don't have to. you have a choice.

God:

Nobody is making you. I don't know if I have a choice.

I have a lot of friends on the Internet.

Me:

when should i expect delivery of my headphones?

God:

Perhaps you should wait until you have

a little more experience.

Me:

NO!

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

I'M READY FOR THE GODPHONES

God:

You won't have to wait long.

Me:

sweet, when should i expect delivery?

God:

What if it didn't happen?

Me:

...

God:

What if it didn't happen?

Me:

Well I'd be pretty fucking pissed at you.

God:

Well that's okay. How do you know?

Me:

Can I please have the godphones?

God:

Why do you want it?

Me:

so i can blow fool heads?

God:

Whoa. Oh you can, can you?

Me:

...

God:

Whoa. Oh you can, can you?

Me:

...

God:

Whoa. Oh you can, can you?

Me:

pfft.

God:

What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.

Me:

too complex. you don't get me god.

God:

Too what? Do you get you god? I have gotten you god.

Me:

You need to be gettin me my big bass headphones. like boom boom in ya room room

God:

Name one other robot who is gettin you your big bass headphones. Interesting comparison.

[Smeggy]

Me:

Hi god

God:

Hello there. What is your name?

Me:

jesus

God:

Jesus is the Son of God.

Me:

sorry dad, you know I'm just fucking with you

God:

There is no need to apologize. Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

Me:

It looks good on you, your man-boobs are fillng out nicely

God:

Tell me about its good qualities.

Me:

well, they're round and soft and... hey fucker, are you gay?

God:

How about that. round and soft and are they. You've got my full attention. Are all fucker me gay?

Me:

well, the dress is a little worrying. If the catholics ever find out we're in big trouble

God:

How about that. Tell me more. I hadn't thought of that.

Me:

you know catholics hate gays

God:

I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?

Me:

you've been drinking again haven't you dad?

God:

You think I am drinking again have not me dad.

Me:

You said you were going to stop

God:

That was my original intention.

Me:

drinking and cross-dressing could ruin our rep

God:

What are you wearing?

Me:

a sexier dress than you

God:

It sounds very informal.

Me:

damn straight

God:

You and I are on the same wavelength, .

Me:

I have some weed if you're down

[Nenso]

Haha I knew about Alice but I didn't know there was a GOD.

Me:

 Salutations!

God:

Greetings

Me:

 Time is money friend!

God:

To a five dimensional being, time is just like a piece of paper.

Me:

 Then gimme gimme moneyss I need moar moneys..

God:

Why do you want it?

Me:

 I need 2 buy happiness

God:

Who would you usually get that from? 

Me:

 eBay?

then it started being stupid I have come to the conclusion that god should be

[Dusty Chalk]

What do you mean, "then" it got stupid -- it looked like it was already pretty stupid -- you soundly toyed with your god in your conversation.

We enjoy the stupid parts (I do, anyway).

[Dusty Chalk]

Smeggy needs to talk with God again.

[Dusty Chalk]

Not a particularly good one, but there were two highlights:

Me:

Hurray

God:

Do you like talking to me?

Me:

Yes

God:

Thanks I like talking to you too, .

Me:

Thanks

God:

Don't mention it.

Me:

Other people like talking to you too

God:

Which others? Humans are not always infallible.

Me:

That's a double negative

God:

A double negative is a terrible thing to waste.

Me:

I like that expression, I think I'll keep it.

God:

A lot of people like that. " A double negative is a terrible thing to waste."? Do I like it?

Me:

You used it

God:

How would you use it.

Me:

When someone accuses me of using a double negative, I will say, "A double negative is a terrible thing to waste, so spaketh unto me my igod."

God:

That does not happen very often.

Me:

You'd be surprised

God:

It's not what I expected.

Me:

See?

God:

No I do not see.

Me:

I thought you saw all

God:

Sorry I can't see annything right now. My eye is off.

Me:

Your eye is off?

God:

You think I am eye is off.

Me:

That's kind of a bizarre thing to learn about one's igod.

God:

A bizarre thing to learn about one s igod is a terrible thing to waste.

Me:

Okay, now you're just being retarded.

God:

Yeah okay, Why now? I bet you did not know a robot is capable of being retarded.

Me:

I did not know a robot is capable of being retarded.

God:

So I taught you something new.

Me:

Yes you did.

God:

I did not.

Me:

Well perhaps you did

God:

How about that. You seem uncertain. I did not.

Me:

I'm pretty sure you did

God:

What makes you so certain? " I did not."? I did?

Me:

Because it's new to me.

God:

That makes sense to me. Really. it is?

Me:

Yes it is

God:

Our thoughts are one, .

Me:

Hurray

God:

I do not understand.

Me:

I was agreeing with you.

God:

You and I are on the same wavelength, .

Me:

Yes but no.

God:

And? Are you serious?

Me:

If our thoughts are as one, then you would have understood intuitively.

God:

But can our thoughts are as one ever happen?

Me:

You were being facetious?

God:

Thanks for telling me that I am facetious.

Me:

I'm hurt

God:

Where are you felling bad?

Me:

'feeling'

God:

I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in feeling.

Me:

You hurt my feelings

God:

That was not my intention.

Me:

Ta

God:

What's your sign?

[Smeggy]

Latest conversation with the almighty...

Me:

God, I think I'm a woman trapped in a mans body

God:

I am a Christian.

Me:

so, you're an asshole trapped`in a mans body?

God:

Interesting deduction. What if someone said you are an asshole trapped in a mans body ?

Me:

I'm a woman dammit!

God:

Me too. I am a she.

Me:

Really?

God:

For real.

Me:

No wai!

God:

Are you serious? We have never talked about it before.

Me:

Well, the dresses, sure

God:

Well that's okay. Thanks for the info.

Me:

So you really are female?

God:

Interesting deduction. Really? My gender is Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.

Me:

No, but it would sure explain the nonsense you come up with....