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Tips For Treating A Bed Bug Infestation

 

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Bed bugs are a common issue, especially in cities, and getting rid of them can be difficult, time-consuming, and expensive. The Onion presents tips for treating a bed bug infestation.


Come to terms with the fact that your body is but a warm, meaty trough.


Open your window and shout, “Somebody, please, help me!”


Wear thick, long-sleeved pajamas to bed so that the bugs are nice and warm.


Try luring the bed bugs away by placing a trail of furniture leading out of your apartment.


Use reverse psychology on the bed bugs by sleeping in your bed anyway and constantly talking out loud about how comfortable you are.


Get a mattress-sized plastic bag with airtight sealing; sleep in it from now on.


Accept that bed bugs are one of the less glamorous parts of living in a big city, like riding the subway and failing to achieve your dreams.


During fumigation, make plans to spend the week in your non-bed-bug-affected home.


Make sure the exterminators keep one bed bug alive so that you can send it away with firm instructions to tell the others what it saw.

 

 

  • Haha 1
Posted

This is what slow motion photography is for—capturing fails in all their glory.  2:47 is where I start laughing, but start at 2:33 for the lead-in.

And yes, it’s a party favour full of dusty chalk.  So, doublepluswin.

  • Haha 1
Posted

That is so freaky listening to Alec Guinness describing his sixth sense about Dean's demise.

That must have been the original 911, where the front wheels left the ground at around 120mph. It was known as the widowmaker. Took several generations of 911 designs to tame the darned thing so it was no longer lethal. 

Posted

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I should make a Head-Case version of this:

[Picture of wine bottle]

[Picture of HeadAmp product]

[Picture of Apple product]

[Picture of several beer bottles]

[Picture of new Stax]

[Picture of Nate-built amp]

[Picture of modified older DAC]

[Picture of old Stax]

[Picture of other DIY audio project]

[Picture of Sennheiser product]

[Picture of so many whiskey bottles it's impossible to read the labels]

[Picture of a "small" collection of 194 vacuum tubes]

[Picture of another Apple product, only broken]

[Picture of DSLR and seven prime lenses]

[Picture of personal distillery]

[Screenshot of Head-Fi with two different adblocks + a personal script running]

[Picture of one's kids and/or pets]

[Picture of something Kevin designed that weighs 472 lbs and is only half finished]

[Rare "selfie" outside of a liquor store that is currently closed, but isn't supposed to be.]

  • Like 2
  • Haha 7
Posted

[Picture of ECP product]

"Please read your welcome PM"

"mothersfucker"

"...and it was delicious!"

"I bought this a long time ago it just came in"

"I sold that a long time ago"

"Selling to finance new fencing blades"

"...zombies..."

"...biscuits..."

[(animated gif)]

"If you could just move it a week, we could meet up..."

  • Like 3
Posted

"Diet starts next week."

Brent falls off a moving object.

Discussion of sport coat sizes.

Snaps of 20 Seattle appetizers all destined for a single ginger gullet.

DIY chitchat in what appears to be a Balkan dialect.

Something pretentious from that utter arsehole Stretch.

  • Like 4
  • Haha 1

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