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Happy Birthday Grahame. My apologies to the Monty Python guys but I felt it was apprpriate:

 

Man: You sit here, dear. 

Wife: All right.

Man: Morning!

Waitress: Morning!

Man: Well, what've you got?

Waitress: Well, there's egg and spam; egg sausage and spam; egg and bacon; egg bacon and bacon; egg bacon sausage and bacon; bacon bacon sausage and bacon; bacon egg bacon bacon bacon and bacon; bacon sausage bacon bacon bacon bacon tomato and bacon;

Vikings: Bacon bacon bacon bacon...

Waitress: ...bacon bacon bacon egg and bacon; bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon baked beans bacon bacon bacon...

Vikings: Bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon!

Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and bacon.

Wife: Have you got anything without bacon?

Waitress: Well, there's bacon egg sausage and bacon, that's not got much bacon in it.

Wife: I don't want ANY bacon!

Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?

Wife: THAT'S got bacon in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much bacon in it as bacon egg sausage and bacon, has it?

Vikings: Bacon bacon bacon bacon... (Crescendo through next few lines...)

Wife: Could you do the egg bacon bacon and sausage without the bacon then?

Waitress: Urgghh!

Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like bacon!

Vikings: Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon!

Waitress: Shut up!

Vikings: Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon!

Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon bacon and sausage without the bacon.

Wife: I don't like bacon!

Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your bacon. I love it. I'm having bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon beaked beans bacon bacon bacon and bacon!

Vikings: Bacon bacon bacon bacon. Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon!

Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

Man: Well could I have her bacon instead of the baked beans then?

Waitress: You mean bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)

Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) Bacon bacon bacon bacon. Lovely bacon! Wonderful bacon! Bacon ba-a-a-a-a-a-con bacon ba-a-a-a-con bacon. Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Lovely bacon! Bacon bacon bacon bacon!

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