I'm still pretty amazed by my 16/3 speed. It'd be cheaper if I didn't live in the boonies, but it's still fast enough I generally don't think it's the limit to what I'm doing. I don't do torrents tho.
Seriously, he replied within 30 minutes of your most recent post. How was he to know that's when you picked to stop reposting every single prank you found? You've been here long enough that at some point you should have picked up at least a few of the social norms.
#4 is the only practical option, and is easily implemented. You'd need a fully shielded headphone cable, which would have terrible handling characteristics, in order to solve a problem that is easily solved with picking a new spot for your phone.