When I was twelve years old, I was riding my bike around the neighborhood. Suddenly a van pulled beside me and Stiller and Meara jumped out and forced me inside the van. Yes, I was abducted by the comedy duo.
They took me back to a rundown house, where another abducted child named Ben was being held. That's right, he's not their real son. I was held for three years before escaping. I spent my time training the rats in the basement, and was finally able to overthrow the comedy duo by a rat coup. My rat leader, also named Ben, after the other abductee, was able to talk the other rats into cornering the comedy duo, but I couldn't talk Ben, the child, into leaving with me. By the time I was able to call the cops, the house was empty, except for Ann's bra, a small amount of rat fur and the John Denver 8 track we had been forced to listen to daily.
During my captivity I always told myself that if I ever were able to live a life of my own, I would buy some better audio equipment and assassinate John Denver. I was able to accomplish both goals, and even made the assassination look like an accidental plane crash.